


Bodies of Stars and Secrets

by BaeLanna



Series: Kate by the Ocean [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F, Reality and unreality, Science mode enabled, Second Chances, Seeking answers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:53:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27137576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaeLanna/pseuds/BaeLanna
Summary: Life after death...
Relationships: Kate Mulgrew/Jeri Ryan, Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine
Series: Kate by the Ocean [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980839
Comments: 30
Kudos: 14





	1. One

Emergency Medical Hologram's Log: Star Date 47101.6

The Captain continues to make slow progress.

The claims she has made to having lived another life have, incredibly, been confirmed by our own ship's computer.

Unless there has been some sort of infiltration and placement of false information within its database by an alien or by something/ someone else, Captain Janeway and actress Kate Mulgrew appear to be the same person.

I have been able to match their DNA. And alarmingly, I have also been able to match the DNA of every human and part human crew member on this ship to that DNA of an individual who lived around four hundred years ago.

It is an incredible discovery to be honest. Not least because nobody appears to have discovered this information before. 

But there is no unaccounted evidence of our ship's database having been tampered with. 

It is still possible that these memories have been implanted into the captain's brain and that the Borg, for whatever inscrutable reason of their own, have added this false information to Voyager's computer.

But I cannot understand why and to what purpose.

As the crew continues to explore possible reasons that the Borg may wish to deceive us in this way, Captain Janeway, or "Kate" as she appears to prefer (though initially she would prefer none of us to address her at all), remains in an induced sleep in my converted office in sick bay.

Having exhausted herself with anxiety and dangerous, manic behaviour, acting captain Chakotay and myself agreed to allow her to sleep. At least for now.

Tuvok, Chakotay, Neelix and myself have provided a constant presence, a vigil, over the captain. 

Perhaps it is unnecessary but, well, we are all concerned. And the crew is worried and confused.

Seven of Nine has kept what she feels to be a respectful distance.

I am of course concerned for Seven's well-being also but she appears to be coping and is deeply involved, along with much of the crew, in finding answers to this most unusual of mysteries.

But according to the database, the crew are all distant descendants of themselves. I, that is to say, Dr Zimmerman, is also a distant descendant of himself. This of course is ridiculous and there must be another explanation.

Seven of Nine, naturally, has taken uncovering this mystery as a deeply personal and urgent matter. Her and the captain have after all been romantic partners for over two years now.

According to the captain, "Kate", Seven of Nine took her own life after being denied custody of her son following an affair. Their affair.

Seven's name/ identity (at that time) was Jeri Ryan. And they were both actresses. Actresses in a science fiction television show. Playing characters of the individuals they are now.

At first it had seemed obvious where the captain had managed to create such an incredible story of former lives and former identities from. I had thought she had a simple case of memory loss and confusion.

But she had been Kathryn Janeway four centuries before Kathryn Janeway was even born.

And Mr Tuvok and I are of the belief that these are not in fact implanted memories.

They did not leave the usual residual trace of memory modification and Mr Tuvok, to my consternation as he did not request prior permission from myself, the senior medical officer of this ship, was able to mind meld satisfactorily with the sleeping captain.

"She was the earth actress Kate Mulgrew and she still is", he confirmed condescendingly to me, though with no explanation or theory as to how this was possible.

But he was still able to access memories of spacefarer Kathryn Janeway, and to confirm that this woman, Kate or Kathryn, or both, still appears to have a large quantity if not all of Captain Janeway's memories and knowledge.

It would not be unreasonable to conclude that the captain has been subject to a long and cruel experiment. Or did whoever is responsible for this not intend for the captain to be able to recall these memories of a former life at all?

Is that why no other member of the crew has memories of their former lives either?

Who can be responsible for this? If what Mr Tuvok says is true, then it would have to be an individual with almost God-like abilities.

Q, of course, has been considered. But even this seems too much of an elaborate stunt for him to have orchestrated.

Or maybe this is simply the way of the universe and nobody has ever been conscious of this truth before.

Maybe we are creators of our futures in ways that we had never even considered.

Whatever the truth may be, I remain concerned for a captain who has been a leader and a friend. I am left to put my faith in hope. As at this moment, science is stumped.

End of log.


	2. Two

"LA Coast guard recover body of young actress missing for 6 days"

In a large and empty astrometrics lab, beneath a dimly-lit and star-strewn display screen and amongst the hum of hidden starship engines and crew footsteps and operations, Seven of Nine and Harry Kim stood in solemn silence, each examining the files of an individual terminal display.

Blue warp nacelles glowed in the vast blackness of a universe so humongous that the significance of the fate and legacy of a young mother centuries ago could understandably be dismissed as insignificant.

Coolness, revulsion, fury and pity. Emotion ran like ice through the veins of the two crewmen to which tolerance and empathy were the common orders of each day.

"Homosexual pervert drowned in her own sins"

Harry's heart beat rapidly as he read the article from an Earth baptist magazine dated August 7th 1998.

In it the "copies" of himself and his closest crewmen, Tom and B'Elanna (Robert McNeill and Roxann Dawson respectively) were mentioned in the hateful take of the story of his captain's counterpart Kate Mulgrew, and her lost lover, the brave and talented Jeri Ryan. Seven of Nine. A woman whose life had ended in the most terrible of circumstances.

"Memorial to drowned actress vandalised and set on fire by religious group"

"Body of actress Jeri Ryan to be buried in secret location"

"Kate Mulgrew leaves cast of Star Trek Voyager"

"Paramount Pictures ceases filming of first female-led Star Trek series"

"Citizens protest 'Intrusive media'"

"Mother of dead actress speaks out against 'Male dominance' and 'homophobic hate''"

"Widower Jack Ryan declines comment on estranged wife's suicide by drowning"

"Widower Jack Ryan in custody battle for son with estranged wife's parents"

"Jack Ryan accused of extramarital affair with wife of Jeri Ryan's informer friend"

"Jack Ryan in year long affair with wife of Jeri Ryan's private-beach owning friend"

"Jeri Ryan and Kate Mulgrew relationship disclosure was act of revenge by an aggrieved friend, says lawyers"

"Jeri Ryan victim of revenge attack" 

"Jack Ryan loses custody battle with estranged wife's parents"

"Four-year-old Alex Ryan released to the custody of maternal grandparents"

Turning her face from her terminal, Seven's right hand deactivated her terminal screen with mechanic detachedness.

Every crew member on the ship had access to these files hidden deep but no longer forgotten within the Starfleet database. 

In between carrying out his shift assignment in astrometrics, and after anxiously requesting Seven's permission to become involved in research for the truth, Kim had began by wading through hundreds of articles relating to the immediate aftermath of actress Jeri Ryan's death.

Seven had dug deeper.

She discovered that the confidential notes taken by Jeri Ryan's therapist on her famous young client had been photocopied and stolen from the police data bank to which her therapist had been forced to surrender them, and within a week partial or full confidential replicas had made their ways into various publications and broadcasters intrays.

Jeri Ryan's intimate words and admissions, and her therapists' responses and diagnoses were quickly the subject of non-expert and often cruel and degrading, public analysis.

Eventually the photocopies were uploaded onto the world wide web but were soon buried in entertainment history as more and more celebrities were made and were broken by the ever evolving and mutating tabloid media. 

The reports and images of actress Kate Mulgrew's distress, heartbreak and anger were as unsympathetic and alive with malice as had been reaction to Jeri's shock suicide.

Seven stood in stillness and tried to steady the beating of her angry heart.

There had been so many images of them both.

Images of Jeri, who was her. But who wasn't. 

Images obtained by burglars who raided the home of Jeri's parents and obtained photographs of Jeri Lynn Zimmerman in her childhood. Images shared by her childhood friends of her in her youth. And images of her at the start of her acting career, and at the end.

For Seven, viewing these photos and articles was like gazing into a wormhole into the pit of humanity.

A place where Kathryn and herself lived as fresh meat for parasites to feast. And in which Jeri Ryan had been subject to the most heinous of unenlightened intolerance.

Her ears registered the light tapping of Harry's finger pads against his terminal screen.

He was still stuck in the wormhole. 

Seven's enhanced hearing listened to his short breaths and thunderous heartbeat.

"Ensign"

Kim's focus broke and he turned immediately to Seven. Ahorrence and anger could be read clearly on each face.

But there was also absolute bafflement.

Seven's heart clenched for the woman who still lay asleep in sick bay.

It was the Captain but it was also a woman in mourning.

"...We should return to our duties," Seven began stiffly, reluctant to do any such thing but aware there were now many minds working on the situation. 

"We can discuss the things we have learnt here with Lieutenants Paris and Torres over dinner..."

Kim looked anxious, eager also to continue but aware that these were deeply personal tidings especially for Seven and the Captain.

"... Hopefully we will be joined by Mr Tuvok or by Chakotay..."

She was pale and for a moment she glanced in the direction of the sickbay above her on deck five. 

In her heart she hoped that the Doctor would still find answers.

Kim motioned uncertainly before returning quickly to the operation screens on his terminal.

Seven's distant focus soon coming to rest on the interstellar display screen, the former Borg with the collect intelligence of thousands of species and millions of individuals was forced to acknowledge to herself that, most disturbingly, she herself had no answers.

Ironically, Harry Kim had once speculated to her that with her history she must be the most intelligent human in existence.

But her intelligence seemed to mean nothing at this moment. 

Raising her chin she closed her eyes and pictured the ashened planet described by the human woman "Kate Mulgrew" in sick bay to the doctor.

Could it have symbolised the end of time? Death, destruction or perhaps the dawn of a new age of man?

Was it simply a manifestation of the emotions surrounding her partner's devastating death? 

Was she herself trying to interpret dreams or was this a genuine memory or vision of Mulgrew's?

And was Kathryn lost forever in the apparent fusing of two individuals' consciousness?

Lowering her head to continue her work, Seven cautioned that she would have to be patient and methodical.

She could not be emotional.

Kate had lost Jeri. But Seven would not, could not, lose Kathryn.

Her lip trembled and she fought against her fear.

At least the child was saved, she reasoned.

Alex Ryan had grew up to become a prominent LGBTQ+ ally and activist.

His mother would have been proud, Seven ventured, tears burning in her eyes.


	3. Three

A pair of eyes and a smile she knew but was hesitant to approach.

This had been a woman she had known in another life. 

A forgotten history which ought to have stayed forgotten. But why was it not?

Kathryn's dreams had led her through a life of love and loss, but her memories encompassed so much more.

A life of science and of exploration... Of heartbreak, failure, and of hope.

But why had Jeri revisited her? And how was it that she had known and loved her?

Jeri was not a dream. She was not a representation or alias of Seven.

How did she know this woman, Jeri, or Seven, before she had ever even met her in another part of the galaxy?

How did she know the faces of her crew before space travel had barely entered its infancy?

These questions and many more she had put to the Doctor upon her waking.

She had been in an induced sleep for two days but in that time she had not rested, she had grappled.

The identity of "Kathryn Janeway" had asserted itself powerfully, and her thoughts had broken through the barriers that had failed to keep her past a secret.

There was no question in her mind that she was still, or had been, the Earth actress Kate Mulgrew.

She wondered how many other identities she had been given in the centuries since being Kate. Would she ever know?

Had she also lived before the 20th and 21st centuries?

She suspected she would never find out.

And who or what being could be responsible for this? She may never discover that either, but she would certainly try.

Individuals with matching faces and DNA are produced only by the splitting of sterilised eggs or by cloning.

Individuals with the same memories can only be produced by cloning.

Either she was a clone, or she was very, very old.

In her heart, she suspected the latter.

Stranger things had happened in the universe, she supposed.

She could not believe this was simple alien infiltration of Voyager's databases as it was too in-depth, its scope too complicated and far-reaching.

Mr Tuvok theorised that her brief assimilation into the Borg collective had disturbed a mental block which had been put in place to suppress her memory.

A block which still suppressed the distant memories of the rest of the crew and who knows how many others.

But how could any of them have had lives before now?

And what could possibly account for them all appearing the same age now as they did in 1998?

Abduction, suspended animation?

She supposed if she looked hard enough she may still find out.

But there were more pressing matters.

"I would like to see Seven" she told the Doctor in a voice weak with exhaustion but no longer with fear.

The hologram smiled, and reached for his combadge...


	4. Four

She had washed and dressed and Voyager's computer had transported her directly to the astrometrics lab.

It was the start of the gamma shift and a tall figure stood alone in the huge, dim, and quiet room.

Kathryn's uniform felt looser than normal and she wobbled slightly on her heels.

It was pleasant to have left sickbay but upon materialising in the new location she had felt a sudden, sharp anxiety.

Her wide eyes had moved down and away from the lone figure who stood perfectly still a short distance in front of her.

It was the shadow of a woman whose life had long since been extinguished.

Kathryn's eyes froze, unfocused somewhere in the darkness behind and beyond the figure.

No, she berated herself, it wasn't Jeri. It was Seven. 

She didn't need to be afraid. 

Blood left her limbs and rushed to her chest. She felt her throat constrict as her eyes flashed, panic-stricken through the darkness of the unsettlingly uncluttered facility.

She felt so exposed. So foolish.

Afraid to approach a figure who had been a partner and a most intimate friend, she kept her distance from Seven.

Seven didn't move.

Kathryn scowled at herself.

Ashamed at her own irrationality, her distress was soon replaced by anger.

She breathed in and stepped forwards.

Seven turned and watched the captain step towards the display platform steps. Kathryn quietly sat down, and after a moment, the astrometrics officer came forward to join her.

Kathryn closed her eyes and curling away from Seven, she felt Kate weep inside her.

She couldn't help it. She had to fight to control the grieving and frightened mourner inside her.

Seven hesitated before wrapping her arms tightly around Kathryn.

The Captain whimpered and trembled, and quickly began to splutter out tears.

She was devastated.

She clutched the younger woman's arms around her and struggled against her feelings.

Jeri had died many years ago but Seven still lived, she told herself.

Amongst her tears and her trauma there was still hope. 

"... It's ok, Kathryn... Everything is going to be ok..." soothed Seven.

The Captain smiled, her fingernails sinking into Seven's forearms as she gripped tightly to the woman she did not want to lose twice.

Seven hung onto the captain and felt an overwhelming sense of sadness.

In 2001, Kate Mulgrew had died aged 46 from pneumonia.

Following the suicide of her young partner, Mulgrew had left Los Angeles, and returned with her son's to her homestate of Iowa.

Her mental and physical health had slowly deteriorated over several years of loneliness and depression.

Seven's brow furrowed and she focused her thoughts.

Their story would not be the tragedy which was Kate and Jeri's.

She held Kathryn softly as the captain slowly calmed.

Perhaps they would be able to find answers to this mystery. 

In the meantime, they would love and protect each other for as long as they could.

To be continued...

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :-)


End file.
